Hangover !

My Christmas Eve is so scary, or should it my shame.
I was HANGOVER !
Never thought that this will happened to me.
But it make me realized that how scary alcohol could be.
Because of that, I decided to stop touching alcohol.
Not even single drop.
I knew I really too over for last night.
Hopefully it wouldn't give a bad impact in my future life.

No confidence

Since when? I can't even know since when I lost all my confidence. I used to be a guy who are very confidence about myself, I means, "USED TO". Now? I just a guy who are failed and got no confidence left.

Recently I just being so afraid, so worry. When some female old friends talked to me, I will first thought, "are them thought I am their others friend?" Such a shame. I don't even got the guts to ask for a date with a girl even I close to her, simply just because I afraid to let her know that how poor I am.

Still remember someone told me before that I should be glad, because I can learned something very fast, my knowledge is a gift from my parents. Sounds nice, but reality is not. In reality, no one care about how smart you are, what knowledge you get. Sounds pessimistic, but this is what I learned from my life.

2011 is not a good year for me, too many bad things happened in this year. However, I did learned many in 2011, learned something that should have learn it long time ago. Now I finally understood why parents always tell us not to get a partner when we are still studying, because they knew the reality. Seriously, I really got no guts to fall in love with anyone any more, I just worry that I will waste another girl's time.

Poverty is not scary, but it does when it stand beside on something call "RICH". Confidence will only built when it got its partner call " MONEY"

$#@!*

!@#$% YOU God!!

Why you make my life so difficult !!

My life is getting worse and worse !!

Are you purposely??

@#$%!?*

Can't you just be little bit better to me??

If that's to make me grow tougher, at least give some bonus !

What I asked for is just so simple.

Why can't you just let it happen??

WHY !!

I lived for 19 years, but never been this difficult before.

PLEASE !!

Open your eyes and treat me better !

Thanks to Gabriel ! For all these MV

This is from Youtube, because lazy to upload.

Stressed !

STRESSED !!
I never been this stress before, at least for last two years.
2011, a year that make a lot of changes to myself.
Sometimes,
I wondering what is the purpose of my existence?
What am I going to be in the future?
What should I do now before I graduate?
Study? Body Building? Working? Social life?
Which one should I give up?
Body building? No ! That's my reason of exist.
Study? Of course impossible, that's my future.
Working? Wish to, but can't, that's my income.
After all.....
I should give up social life.
Life might be bored like hell without it, but forced to be.
Without car, money, and achievement.
Can it really get a social life? My answer is no.
Life still have to move on, no point to grieving here.
Fight for the life, and stay alive !

I am going to insane !

I am really going mad !
My life messed up, just because of someone.
I didn't expect much, just a little.
Just wish not being treated as a stranger, that's all.
But......
Still being treated like a stranger.
WHY !
Nothing affect when someone treat me a stranger.
But if someone used to be close to you did, it terrible.

那些年，我們一起追的女孩

I like this movie so much !
I lost the desire of be in love since I back to single life.
but....
This movie make me feel like want to in love again.
I just want to be like the guy, to love someone that I really love.
Its okay if she not belong to me, because when you really love someone, you just have to know.
You don't have to be with her, you just have to let her know how much you love her.
Flirty is the best moment, things might change if turned to couple.

She is so pretty !
Wondering how come no one like her in my life.
Hopefully in one day, I will find my " 沈佳宜" 
To love her more than myself.....

Worried !

Final exam is coming soon,

yet, I not even know what I studied for this semester at all.

WORRIED !

Friends began to build their body, more and more of them.

They are just started, know nothing much about body building.

But......

They are so motivated, and me is begin to losing motivation.

WORRIED !

Worked for 3 years as a part- timer.

But 0.00 for my saving.

WORRIED !

DAMN ! I am just so worried right now !

There's so much more~

I realized that I am so tiny,
What I seen, where I been, what I knew, who I met.
There are just too tiny, just too small of the part of the world.
I used to think something is most important,
But,
I was wrong.
I used to be stubborn, always think thought what I seen is all of it.
Too naive, too foolish.
I get my vision, vision to achieve for my better future.
What I thought was important, became not so important anymore.
What I said I want it back, the desire no longer there.
What I want??
Just like what I mention in my blog title.
"To express my thought, to be myself"
I am not going to be what others want me to be, not going to be part of other's plan.
I just want to be myself, be the one I want myself to be.
Love is not so important for me anymore, only wealth are matter.